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House Show, Late December

from Aftering by Fred Thomas

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lyrics

House show, late December
Three noise acts
Mixer feedback, busted four tracks
Clusters of cables on card tables
iPod DJ standing in the corner
Playing the best tracks from Chandra, The Make*Up and Silk Flowers
The dirty coat congregation comes together
For a shit-talk session that feels like confession
For tallboy communion
Gathered to bemoan the bad year
Gathered to bemoan the bad year
Gathered to bemoan the bad year
And the deep freeze outside
Just punctuates how markedly miserable these last months have been
This year can’t end soon enough
Let the new one in
Let the new one in.

January first
No one’s waiting for a shift in eras
No one’s waiting for the anxiety to dissipate
Because we all feel it daily
I feel it mostly when I’m dazed, wandering around at Target
Or at the airport
Always two hours early
Worried about security
I get the impulse to curl up in the fetal position
Lie down next to the drug dog
And say “Help me. Help me get through this.
I know we can do this, you and me.”

Twenty three years old
On my first tour that really made it out of the neighborhood
Lovesick & Aloha
Twenty eight shows in thirty one days
Three hundred one dollar bills in the band fund
U-Haul trailer dragging uphill
Disposable camera that never left my hand
And every picture I took
Was of a vacant storefront, telephone wires, a cloud
No people
I was searching for meaning in everything
I was chasing some kind of feeling that I couldn’t describe
I couldn’t talk about
I could only reach for.

Seventeen years later I’m still in the same jail
I’m still sending out these cassette tapes in the mail
I’m still dreaming in scenes
Of high fructose corn syrup corner stores
Blunt wrap bodegas and now depanneurs
A 3,000 page manuscript
For a masterclass in colloquialisms of the working poor
I see murders in the vape shop
Yellow tape marks the scene off
I got in a car with a stranger
And he drove off the side of a mountain
As we fell I just saw Emily’s face
And I felt my head smash in before I woke up
To piles of the same stuff
Crushed cans
Recycled psychic life spans
Personal brands
And fake love made of
Waxy chocolate
Bags of dog shit
Backseat nauseous
Taxi vomit
Bathroom carpet
Nasty apartment with a mattress in that tiny closet
Casket coffin
Sophomore drama
Takes a grave to make the language soften
Small town toxic
So angry
“SO AWESOME!”
It’s fucking nonsense
Nonstop talking
The extraction tax and the added cost
Fully lossless in their rawness
The moldy ceiling and the leaky faucet and that dismissive pause
Before you tell me there’s nothing wrong with this
All these things you say there’s nothing wrong with
There’s something wrong with
Everything you say there’s nothing wrong with
There’s something wrong with.

credits

from Aftering, released September 14, 2018
Jake Kmicheck plays drums
Maria Nuccilli plays drums
John Olson plays various horns, electronics
Emily Roll plays tenor saxophone
Dave Sharp plays double bass
Fred Thomas sings, plays guitar, synthesizers, various electronics, tapes

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Fred Thomas Ann Arbor, Michigan

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